New Year Reflections: Best Podcast - Kevin Hart & Jay Shetty
By Mary Fifita
Best podcast that I listened to over the holidays: On Purpose, with Jay Shetty and Kevin Hart
Podcast title: How to conquer your fear of failing and processing the obstacles of forgiveness, love and loss
I’m always on the lookout for inspiration and new things to learn and help me reflect. I love reading and I love podcasts, so during the break I had 8 books on my list to read and several podcasts to listen to.
Hands down, the podcast which resonated with me the most was Kevin Hart on the Jay Shetty show.
There were so many great nuggets of wisdom that can apply to all of us in one way or another, so I wanted to share 4 of my favourite lessons with our PPN community:
Embracing the concept of we over me
Not trying is also failing
We got a shot at changing the trajectory of opportunity within our culture
Taming your monsters
1.Embracing the concept of we over me
Hart’s number one observation: no level of success is reached by one individual alone. There is a team effort that goes into the smallest bit of success and the largest.
It’s great to start the year and have this important message reiterated for us all. As Pacific peoples, the concept of we over me is something that is intricately woven into our culture and identities as family is at the centre of our way of life.
My colleagues at the UTS Centre for Social Justice capture this concept perfectly:
“Every person belongs to a family, aiga and kainga, and every family belongs to a person. This brings identity and belonging. Ancestry and a sense of place involve a kinship with what and who has gone before. Collectivism and communitarianism reflect the way we view the world and do things that are commonly perceived as acceptable to the community. This includes teamwork, consultation and co-operation, with everyone striving to work together to achieve common goals through an agreed approach.”
Although we go into our work environments alone, we carry our we with us always.
Hart’s current purpose: embracing the world of we and making the we bigger than the idea of me.
In essence, it is making other people feel like they can, creating opportunities for others, changing the economy by creating and broadening your businesses, more jobs, more opportunities.
This is so perfectly aligned with PPN’s mission to foster and connect Pasifika excellence. We provide the forums and activities for professionals and students to collaborate, guide and mentor each other into new pathways for the betterment of the overall community so that we can create a virtuous cycle that provides more opportunities for future generations.
2. Not trying is also failing
Do you ever dream of doing something that makes you feel fear and anxiety in your gut? Or even something smaller that you haven’t seen anyone else in your circles achieve? What do you do once you’ve had the thought? Do you buckle down and start putting together actionable steps to get closer to achieving this dream or goal?
If not, why not?
Hart says that if someone asks him why he hasn’t done something, he needs to have a reason as to why he hasn’t done it or he thinks, ‘why not’ and gives it a go. It is not good enough to respond to that question with ‘I don’t know’. This approach is what he credits as the foundation of his mindset on how to get ahead and generate that go-getter energy.
But what if I fail?
It’s just as much about the journey, your growth, the learnings as well as the destination. Where you’re going is not as important as the person you’re developing and growing into.
Hart has a healthy attitude towards failure, saying “failure is the only consequence behind something not working out”.
I’ve always thought of failure as a learning opportunity and a feedback loop on when you might need to pivot or iterate your idea or approach. In this way, I think of it as failing forward, a term I first heard used by UC Berkeley faculty member, Alex Budak. As long as the setbacks help propel you forward, there is no downside to failure.
3. We got a shot at changing the trajectory of opportunity within our culture
We got a shot at something different
We got a shot at generational wealth
We got a shot to make this normal
When people ask Hart why he is doing so much and what the end goal is, he links back to his children and the next generation, similar to so many of our parents and grandparents who traveled to Australia, New Zealand and the US to provide a foundation for better opportunities. This is the end goal, for our generation and each one after us, to be able to see that we have a shot at better outcomes and normalising these types of success for all Pasifika people.
We are in rooms that we’re stereotypically not meant to be in, but when we get there, you think, why are we not supposed to be in these rooms?
A cornerstone of the reason why PPN exists is to provide the type of change that Hart speaks of for his children and black Americans in the US. We can apply those same principles and drivers to the Pasifika community in our region. A time and space in which Pasifika people think to themselves ‘why were we not supposed to be in these rooms?’
4. Taming your monsters
Hart speaks of his mental ‘monsters’ which are parts of our personality which live in our minds and if not controlled properly, can sap our energy and control our actions, often with negative outcomes.
He speaks of his “Approval Monster” - the feeling of wanting approval from everyone, and the “Grudge Monster” - holding onto feelings of resentment towards someone for a past injury.
It got me thinking about what my own monsters are and what steps I can take today to take energy away from them and funnel it into more positive uses. For me, I have two monsters which go hand in hand, I can hold a grudge and am slow to forgive.
Many years ago, I had a falling out with one of my lifelong loved ones and we tried to reconcile at the time but I just couldn’t bring myself to let go of the wrongs I perceived had been done to me. So the relationship remained fractured and we continued living our separate lives. It took me too many years to realise and accept the role I played in adding to that fracture and although we’ve since made up, the relationship will never be the same again. With time comes more maturity and discipline, and when I look back on that relationship to what it was and what it is now, I see the true cost of some monsters. I lost a deep bond with a sister because I couldn’t let go of a grudge and accept forgiveness nor give it.
As Hart rightly says, you can fuel that monster or starve it of energy. Often the thing that’s holding you back is something you’re holding on to and won’t let go.
I’m working on practicing patience and forgiveness in small steps. What will you work on to help elevate you to be the best version of yourself?
